I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
