We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
