Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
