I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
