I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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