Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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