i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
