You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
