I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
