I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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