look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
