apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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