so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
