I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
