oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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