im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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