he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
