do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
