you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
