If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
