I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize