just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
