I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize