don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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