I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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