how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
