sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
