she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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