that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
