Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
