yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
