He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
