Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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