Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
