tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize