So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
