So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
