Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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