marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Got a toothbrush?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
