Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
