is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
