he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Randomize
