Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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