I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
