You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
