just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
