I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
