think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize