I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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