do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
