I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
