Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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