Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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