winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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