Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
