my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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