I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
