Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
