u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
