i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up backwards on a recliner
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
