There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
