no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
