see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
