there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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