Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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