Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
