dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
