its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
