Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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