I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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