how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
