I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
