i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
