right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
