well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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