She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
