Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
