Sry I called you an 8
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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