if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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