??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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