I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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