Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
