very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
