go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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