R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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