So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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