After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
