its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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