went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
