just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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