she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
