omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
