I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
