You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
