You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
