Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
