mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
