Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
