You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
