Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
