porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
