its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
