i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
