i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
