Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
