you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
