Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
