i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Drunk is a universal language darling
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
